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Jon O'Brien Briefly

A successful program designer/grant writer for the past 15 years, Jonathan OBrien is a UCLA film school graduate, a former network program executive, creator and former co-host of NPR's Beyond Words, a former juvenile hall writing instructor, and currently an ever-popular adjunct screenwriting instructor at Santa Barbara City College. He has combined 35 years of diverse creative experiences with his passion for teaching to create his groundbreaking program design method resulting in nonprofits winning more than $385 million in competitive grant money. One of his educational program designs is permanently enshrined in the Smithsonian Institution. Two of the charter schools he helped to create are in the top 100 Charter Schools in the nation according to the America's Best High Schools analysis as reported by US News and World Report.

The Contractually Obligated About the "Author" Page

I consider Jon O’Brien uniquely unqualified to write a book about writing. He is what is known as a literary leper, one who shuns writing classes, touchy-feely writing support groups and at the mention of any self-promotion ducks under his desk and listens to re-mixes of bubblegum hits from the 60s.

At the ripe old age of 25 he managed to doctor up a false ID and worked as a network program executive until, six years later, he turned so ripe he rotted and dropped off that tree.

O’Brien suffers from E.D.D. – Employment Deficit Disorder. Like Forrest Gump (except he has no redeemable qualities, can’t run as fast and never earned $678 million at the box office) O’Brien has pinballed from career to career. In fact, when it comes to walking down any one career path, a better name for him might be Forrest Gimp.

Having taught for seven years at juvenile hall (although I swear he served time there instead) he claims to have earned a brown belt in verbal judo. Being somewhat Irish, it wasn’t long before he traded in his brown belt for a stiff belt and he hasn’t walked a straight line since.

An adjunct instructor at Santa Barbara City College, the student body voted him “Best Role Model From Hell” in nine of the 10 years he has taught there.

As a public speaker and workshop facilitator he is always in demand. After two minutes of hearing him try to speak, the audience demands their money back.

He graduated from UCLA Film School with an MFA (I’d like to tell you what I think the letters M-F-A really stand for) where he received the best education defaulted student loans could buy. After, he earned his honorary *Doctor of Thinkology degree from the universitatus committeeatum e pluribis unum.

O’Brien once actually tried to cheat the state out of disability by claiming he suffers from B.C.D: Bi-Coastal Disorder. Translated, that means he spends part of the year “working” at his second home on a lake in Maine and the rest of the time living on the Central California coast in proximity to two federal prisons. Coincidence? I think not.

He has two pet peeves (and one pet Ferret named Farrah kept under his bed). His first pet peeve is that he despises those who write glowing third person bios about themselves. As the picture on this page indicates (submitted as Exhibit A, your honor), his second peeve is that he refuses to seriously pose for a picture; a belief commonly held, mind you, by those who purchase do-ityourself plastic surgery kits and fugitives from the law.

Okay, I’m nearing 500 words, the amount of words as his ghostwriter that I am contractually obligated to write. Yeah, that’s right, I said “ghostwriter.” Hate to break it to you but do you think O’Brien would actually take the time to write this book? His contribution consisted mainly of showing up just before lunch and sayings thing like, “Put in a few more fancy words.”

Okay, now I’m 79 words over. Fat chance O’Brien is going to pay me for these extra words. Fat chance he pays me period.

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